Vegas - two final shorties

Had just finished dinner in the over-rated Jasmine at the Bellagio and left the table for the toilet. Opened the door stretching, with my eyes shut, before turning round to lock the door. Then realised it was a single seater and there was a gentleman sitting on the toilet who had forgotten to lock the door. He looked genuinely alarmed (presumably because I had walked in purposefully and locked the door).

Hello handsome. You ain’t going nowhere.

Shaun has just cashed out of Caesars and has three $100 bills and three $10 bills in his pocket (you can probably guess where this is going). Taxi back to Luxor, fare is $24. Shaun gives him the three $10s and tells him to keep the change.

Cabbie: “Sir you are a gentleman! You have a nice day (jabs finger) YOU HAVE A NICE DAY!”

Taxi rockets off into distance.

Neil “He seemed like a jolly chap”

Shaun “He did didn’t he?…Hold on” (Checks wallet)

“Bollox”