A New Personal Best

It’s always a credit to yourself when you beat a previous lifetime best, so last night I was delighted to break my longest urination record, behind Pret A Manger at Mansion House.

The effort clocked in at 3 minutes 42 seconds of flow time, smashing my previous record set in 1989 by some 25 seconds, when my late father had mis-informed me that a 3 hour cable car ride up a Welsh mountain would last 20 minutes (post 3 cans of Fanta).

To set the scene, I had consumed three pints of Stella at the local before heading off to Loose Cannon for the poker tournament last night. All was well as I moved from Bakerloo line to the District line, but then our train stopped between Blackfriars and Mansion House. For FIFTY FIVE minutes.

The driver of the train gave us updates every quarter hour, but gradually my bladder filled to bursting point. About 50 minutes into the torture, I resorted to tucking the old boy into the elastic in my pants, and adopting a sitting yoga position crossing my legs and curling my arms underneath my body. At this stage I was indifferent to whether the other passengers thought I was a weirdo.

We finally pulled the 30 yards into Mansion House station, and I noticed that it was ram packed full of rozzers. As soon as the door opened, I burst through the police line quicker than an Islamic Luton war protester and sprinted for the exit. Coincidentally, during this period, I also broke my own 100 metre sprinting record over the variable terrain on Mansion House station, before finding my way behind a Pret A Manger. I unleashed the beast and made my record breaking toxin dumping effort. Bliss indeed.

Anyhow, I guess after this heady tale of egestion, I better mention the poker. I bought into the £50 Loose Cannon tournament nearly an hour late, and lost 10% of my stack as a penalty. I lasted approximately five hands, as when the blinds went up to 150-300 I was in shove or fold mode. I found JT in the cutoff and the BB woke up with TT and I was toast.

The cash game also began disappointingly, but I rallied from being £150 down to £200 up before rake and tips, to register my fifth consecutive winning cash session.

Two hands of note:

Hand1
I check my option in the BB with J9, five in the hand.
Flop Q 8 2 rainbow.
Checked around
Turn is the ten, giving me the nuts, but bringing two clubs on board.

I check, late position player make it £5, I raise to £13 and the UTG calls as does the initial raiser.

I am praying for a red card, but it comes as the 9 of diamonds, reducing the value of my hand significantly. I still have the second nuts, so I lead for £25, but UTG raises to £50. KJ makes perfect sense for the bigger straight, as he would have been open ended on the flop, but I have to pay him off here in case he is spazzing out with a set of something. KJ it is.

Hand2

I raise a straddler to £6 with A5. Krish + one other call

Flop arrives 6 6 4

I bet £20, and Krish makes it £80. I think for while and then decide he is full of sh*t so shove for £300 more with Ace high. He ponders and passes. I can see a big pot happening between the two of us at some point in the next month as he is certainly as aggressive as me when it comes to betting.

So…all in all a mixed night. It’s one that is difficult to summarise but I will give it a go:

London Underground are utter ****s.